Regard:
The Voilé journal.
About Regard: At Voilé, we are endlessly inspired by the people who surround us. Some you may know from their public lives, others are simply close family and friends. One thing does unite them all. They are experience-seeking people who value style over trends and see the world in their own unique way. Some will join us for special collaborations, others will be featured right here in our magazine, Regard. We are thrilled to have them alongside us on this journey.
Perhaps one of the greatest social changes of our times is the dismantling of rigid, traditional gender roles. This has an often wonderful impact on how dads are parenting. Here we meet 3 fathers who are fathering their way, today.
Edition 1:
The Daddy
Issue.
Edmund, featuring Arthur.
Did you always know you wanted to be a Dad?
Yes definitely. With the exception of a few years in my late 20's and early 30's where I really just wanted to party. I also have a great role model for my own dad, so I looked forward to trying to honour that.
What has surprised you the most about fatherhood? Like, what was the difference between the expectation and the reality?
“… vulnerability and being able to admit you're wrong is a big one for me. Not many people would find it intuitive to apologize to a toddler, certainly not in 1980s China.”
I was most surprised by how natural it felt and how easily I took to it. While the sleep deprivation and the personal sacrifices are very real, it's mostly been a blast. I've loved every stage of it so far, for different reasons. Artie's just such a lovely and magical boy. He's enriched every aspect of my life and gives me a sense of purpose like I've never felt before. Can't wait to see who he becomes.
Do you parent like your Dad did? How so?
My dad raised me with very strong principles and gave us everything he never had. He taught me to measure myself according to my own standards and not those of others. I would like to think I do the same for Artie. Though I'd say I'm a lot more expressive and openly affectionate than my dad was, but I was never made to doubt his love.
What do you think has changed in terms of the expectations of fathering since your Dad had you?
In my dad's day, I think being a good father mostly meant providing for your children financially and making sure they were well cared for physically. Today, I think it's expected that dads take a much more active and hands-on role with their kids and be equal partners with the co-parent. Also, vulnerability and being able to admit you're wrong is a big one for me. Not many people would find it intuitive to apologize to a toddler, certainly not in 1980s China.
What values do you consider in raising your son/daughter in these modern times? Are there gender-specific considerations you think about today?
Respect is the one constant for me. Respect for himself and for others. While he doesn't have to agree with everyone, respect is always possible. That applies to beliefs, identity or even something as simple as someone's personal space. In terms of gender considerations, I would want him to respect who he is and make the right choices for him, not for me or anyone else.
How would your co-parent describe your fathering style?
I think she'd say that I'm nurturing but uptight. I've always been very concerned about cleanliness, and perhaps even a bit obsessive. I've learned to ease up on that though.
What are your nicknames for your Artie?
I call him Little Bud cause people says he looks exactly like me so it's like he's my little sidekick, and other times I call him Baby Boy, because while he's a big boy now, he'll always be my baby, my sweet darling boy.
Antonin BG, featuring Valentine.
Did you always know you wanted to be a Dad?
Non, j'ai toujours vécu au jour le jour et ma vie avant d'avoir un enfant ne collait pas du tout à la vie paternel, travail, fête, travail, dépenses impulsive, voyages etc.
What has surprised you the most about fatherhood? Like, what was the difference between the expectation and the reality?
A quel point c'est vraiment plus le fun que je pensais.
Do you parent like your Dad did? How so?
Mon père m'a vraiment aidé à developper mon côté créatif, toujours partant pour inventer des histoires, me pousser dans les arts et en ayant lui même énormément de talents il m'a inspirer toute ma jeunesse à me dépasser. J'essaie de montrer ça à ma fille aussi, embarquer dans toutes ses proposition d'histoires, écouter/chanter de la musique matin et soir, faire moi même les dessins pour le coloriage, lui montrer que si l'intention première est de dépasser des lignes et bien c'est bien.
What do you think has changed in terms of the expectations of fathering since your Dad had you?
“Les femmes prennent leur place et j'aime vraiment aider à développer une future femme assumé qui serra consciente de la force qu'elle à et qui pourra entreprendre ce qu'elle le désire dans le future sans qu'elle pensent ne pas être à sa place.”
C'est moins tabou en tant que homme de montrer un côté plus tendre, un comportement qui était considérer plus féminin est maintenant plus facile de le montrer. Les femmes prennent leur place et j'aime vraiment aider à développer une future femme assumé qui serra consciente de la force qu'elle à et qui pourra entreprendre ce qu'elle le désire dans le future sans qu'elle pensent ne pas être à sa place.
Is there something that you do that makes your kid laugh every time?
On rit tout le temps à la maison, tout le monde fait des blagues, chante, fait des imitations et des drôles de voix mais un classique bruit de pet ça va toujours faire rire les enfants de toute génération.
Is there something that they do that makes you laugh every time?
Quand elle m'imite et joue au papa. Ça marche à tout coups.
What values do you consider in raising your son/daughter in these modern times? Are there gender-specific considerations you think about today?
On essaie de lui montrer que les barrières sont rarement une bonne chose, que papa peut porter du rose, qu'elle n'est pas obligé de vouloir porter des robes a paillettes juste parce que c'est ce qu'elle se fait montrer par des amies, par la société et par les émission. Que y'a pas de mal à porter des robes rose mais seulement si elle a aussi pris en considération qu'un jeans noir est aussi une option possible.
How would your co-parent describe your fathering style?
Un père présent, à l'écoute, drôle et créatif. Un père qui désire prendre un rôle égale au mien.
What are your nicknames for your child?
Valou ou croquette.
Scott, featuring Wilder.
Did you always know you wanted to be a Dad?
I never really had big dreams of wanting to be a Dad, though I knew I liked kids and wanted to raise a family one day. I definitely wanted to see what a kid I helped create would look like!
What has surprised you the most about fatherhood? Like, what was the difference between the expectation and the reality?
Well you never really know what to expect, you get horror stories from other parents about how tough it is and how your life will change. But to be honest, in my experience is hasn’t been quite that difficult. Sure there are hard moments, but it is surprising how quickly you adapt and how most of the time your instincts tell you the right thing. I think if you’re able to go with the flow and not be too uptight, your child will follow your lead. The thing that has surprised me the most would be the emotional side of things. As cheesy as it sounds, never had I known a love like the love I have for my son. Not that I was emotionless before, but since becoming a father I am very much more sentimental and touched by things. I have a hard time not crying during movies and sappy TV commercials...
Do you parent like your Dad did? How so?
I think there’s always a little bit of one’s father in them. I think I might be a little more affectionate than my Dad was, and given my professional situation, am much more present in my son’s day-to-day life. But my father always loved to play sports with us, and that’s something I love to do with my own son as well.
What do you think has changed in terms of the expectations of fathering since your Dad had you?
“Dads today are expected to be much more present both physically and emotionally than perhaps in the past, and that’s a good thing in my opinion.”